What are thoughts? What are emotions? Are there scientific differences between happy thoughts and sad thoughts? Happy emotions and sad emotions? Is what we hear in our mind coming from us or is our brain just a machine spit firing messages based off of our memories and habits that we have acquired through our lives? Do these thoughts trigger emotions in our bodies that cause us to feel a certain way? Where do they go when they are gone? My moods seem to manifest in cycles. Is my brain a washing machine? This school of thought (no pun intended) may seem scary to some. Like we are almost robotic in a sense. But what if I told you discovering the “robot” side of me saved my life? I’m not saying that we were constructed by aliens thousands of years ago or that I can have a part in the next futuristic Will Smith movie. What I am saying is that when you realize how your brain works you become happier, calmer, feel safer and more secure.
Most people get into bad moods about work, school, their significant other, money etc… These topics trigger our brain machine to haunt us with sayings like “My job sucks!” “I need her back!” “I’ll never be able to handle my schedule this semester.” Stressful stuff indeed. But unfortunately not tough enough to make you realize one very important factor: thoughts aren’t real. You can’t see them, feel them, touch them or smell them. Technically I don’t even think you can hear them. But it wasn’t until I came across some really terrible thoughts that made me literally feel like I have no need to exist on this planet and break me down until I was crying on my knees wishing I was worried about schoolwork and girls that I realized I needed to seek help and discover the information that I’m sharing with you right now. When you’re asleep for so long life will literally slap the shit out of you until you wake up.
No matter how happy, sad, fearful, or angry our thoughts, they are being produced by our brain machine not us. These terrible thoughts that made me feel like I shouldn’t exist were not coming from my true self, God, the devil, or anyone I thought of at the time. Like your email box gets full of spam, so does your mind. Do you claim ownership of junk mail or do you say “God damn it! Another stupid email about making my penis bigger…delete”? I’ll admit it’s a bit easier to ignore an email about a fast-cash Nigerian business scheme than it is your mind. This is because the emails passing through your brain are about issues you are currently going through. They also trigger emotions in your brain that you feel in your body. Say hi to your bad mood…or good mood…whatever thought caused the emotion will be the judge of that. But whether it is your Yahoo account or your brain, it is a machine producing negative messages and you can’t always control it. But, when you realize what it is and don’t claim ownership to every silly message that passes through your cerebellum then they no longer have a harsh effect on you. One more thing…this machine is habitual. The more you give in and not separate yourself from these unrealistic brain telegrams, cycles will form. A bad thought makes you feel sad; a sad feeling makes you have a bad thought….you get the idea. Next time this happens instead of letting this pattern conquer you, go on with your day and treat it as though it is your pesky mailbox getting filled with spam again and not really an accurate manifestation of who you really are. When you discover your brain’s robot habits you see it for what it is and no longer let it abuse you. The key to happiness is learning how to use your brain and not letting it use you. You may be asking, “If these thoughts aren’t real or even coming from me…who am I?” Ah…underneath the noisy mind lies the biggest miracle you will every discover….but that is for another blog (:
Like what you read? There’s a lot more of it in my book Control The Crazy. If you haven’t read it, pick up a copy here..
My name is xxxx xxxxxxx I’m 21 and I’m from a small village in the United Kingdom called Boughton Monchelsea (google it) :) and I suffer from chronic anxiety.
I have read your book Control The Crazy twice now and I truly believe it has saved my life. The feelings I had when I first read it was something I cannot describe, I felt like I wasn’t alone and that I had someone along the way on my journey through the darkness and that that person was guiding me. I’m sure you get lots of people email you but my mother always told me to thank the people that help you in your life.
I suffer with anxiety attack on trains which is a bit of a nightmare because I have to get a train 5 days a week to go to work and your book has prevented me from having to lose my job. I’m currently on my train reading your book for the 3rd time and I’m just reading over “the cool guy” I carry this book everywhere with me and whenever I feel like the darkness is coming I just pick up the book and tune in to my inner self and control my crazy.
Thank you for saving my life and reading my email. I know you must receive a lot of emails like this but if you had 2 seconds to reply I would really like that.
This post is to address the question that I sometimes get when I speak out against bullying : “How can you stand up to bullying when you are on a television show like Jersey Shore?” I would be lying if I said it didn’t upset me to be criticized for standing up for something of great importance to me. But I have done and will continue to be an anti-bullying advocate so I am not writing this article to justify myself to haters but rather to tell victims and bullies why it is ok to listen to me. The “what gives me the right” question is fair due to the fact that there is name calling and violence on my show so I am willing to answer it. The first way I would is by saying I only represent myself when I speak out against bullying and not my show or any of my other cast mates. Filming Jersey Shore is one thing. When I do PSA’s, blog, campaigns against something that I passionately believe in,etc…it is something else. So, if this is Vinny Guadagnino promoting anti-bullying and not Jersey shore, what gives me the right to speak out? Well although I am a party going “guido” on TV I don’t think I have been represented as a bad role model. If the criticizers watched Jersey Shore (which I assume they do if they are judging me and stating that I am not a good role model for bullying) they would know that I don’t really fight or like drama, I love my mom and my family, I have a Bachelor’s Degree with honors,have fun, party, dance, enjoy life, and this is not to mention the areas of my life in which I have succeeded that you dont see on camera. Such as being able to buy a house and cars for my family of, lets just say, “humble” beginnings. I’ve also recently opened up on camera about suffering from anxiety to try to help others identify with someone who is going through mental or emotional issues. If I was your son, I think you would be proud.
But you may be asking “What about the bad stuff you do on Jersey Shore?” Well as far as bad goes from me, you might hear the use of the term “grenade” or catch me saying things like “the chicks in this club are not attractive at all so I’m out of here!.” Or perhaps be in an argument and tell a certain cast member, “You look more like Rob Kardashian you ugly bitch!” Yes, you figured me out. I am no saint. If I have offended you I sincerely apologize for doing so. I will not try to justify my actions but would like to educate the audience about the term “grenade.” Through the evolution of Jersey Shore, this word has taken on the meaning of an ugly, heavy, unattractive, female that nobody wants to talk to. I must inform you that this is inaccurate. On Season 1 of Jersey Shore we were introduced to this word when Mike brought home two girls. According to Mike and Pauly’s standards, one was cute and the other was not attractive. Lets face it, not everyone is physically attracted to each other. This girl (the grenade) was not heavy at all and in fact may be appealing to many other guys, but not us. She adopted the name not because of her physical appearance but more so for the fact that Pauly had to entertain her so that Mike can continue hanging out with his girl. You can then draw the paralel between this and an actual grenade which is used in combat. Your true army buddy would jump on it for you so that you can continue fighting your war.( I know me explaining this sounds ridiculous but I am willing to do anything to help the fight against bullying.) So if you ever hear me use the term grenade please note that I am not calling a girl fat or getting into any specificities of her personal appearance but instead saying I am not attracted to her. This would not be a girl I would pursue. If anything I would sacrifice entertaining her to help my friend work on her friend. Please know that I am not trying to justify name calling in anyway or say that this is right or wrong. I am just giving you the actual definition in case you were confused at why someone who uses the word can advocate anti-bullying.
Is this right or wrong? Is it ok to label someone as unattractive or to call them a name in the middle of a fight? You can be your own judge of that. But I will be the first person to tell you that I am not perfect. In fact I am far from it. I have been a bully, called others names, given into peer pressure, let my temper and ego get the best of me. On the other hand I have been bullied. In grammer school, high school, and now that I am famous I have a 24 hour feed of ridicule that comes through my social media networks. I may not be a perfect angelic public figure who’s every statement is predetermined by a publicist.( If you are one of those I am not judging you, I think the more people who stand up for an issue the better.) I am telling you who I am. I am a role model who is on a show that captures me really talking the way I and many children of our generation do. I curse, I fornicate, I fuck up, but the bottom line is I want bullying to stop. I want kids to stop killing themselves. If a bully calls someone a name, I want them to realize that they might have harmed another and apologize as I am doing so in this post. If someone has bullied a thousand people in his or her life, they are the ones who I want standing up to bullying and making a change besides the countless victims.
So if you don’t think I am a good role model for the victims of bullying. Fine. But then let me set an example for people who slip up and bully. You always have the right to change your actions or help others who are being picked on. If you stand up for a kid who is about to get beat up, no one should say “Hey! You can’t help him, you’re a bully yourself!” But instead you should be applauded and be proud to be lending support to a much needed cause. This is the only way it will stop. With the collective idea that many people are being hurt and it takes everyone to speak up and stand up to bullying.
You can read more about my opinion on this subject in my new book Control The Crazy (out April 17, 2012.), Dosomething.org , MTV Act, A Thin Line, It Gets Better, vinny.halfofus.com , GLAAD, and campaigning for the new movie BULLY.
Hey reality star… you suck. You can’t ever be taken seriously because… look it…I mean….You’re on a friggin’ reality show for God’s sake! You suck because you’ve become famous for being yourself, partying, and having sex with cameras following you around. You are a SELLOUT! Ok I’m sorry, I will be kinder to you. I know that the show doesn’t represent your entire personality but I have to judge you solely on what I see on TV. The fact that you signed up for a reality show means that you are desperate for fame, you have no brains, family values, or any sense of self respect. There is absolutely NO WAY that you can be on a reality show yet also share these traits. I mean….can I even call you a “human” now? Are you human? Maybe you were, but you can never be again. Whatever you do, do NOT expect to be taken seriously in the real world after being on a reality show. How the hell can we take you seriously? The fact that cameras followed you around for a few weeks absolutely diminishes any positive humanly qualities that you once had.
Don’t expect to ever get a job because you’ve never worked a day in your life. You have money from being on a reality show but you sure as hell don’t deserve it. You didn’t have a 97 average from the time you were in first grade to high school. You didn’t graduate college with a 3.9 GPA. You don’t know what work is, your rich family supported you your entire life. You don’t know what its like to get your electric turned off because your family can’t pay a bill. You don’t know what its like to watch your parents break their back in order to buy you a new pair of Jordans. You are unappreciative because of those cameras that followed you around…I’m sorry…
Don’t ever…EVER…be expected to have any talent of any kind whatsoever…EVER! Realtalented people who have been working their entire lives still haven’t achieved a tiny percentage of success that you have gotten over night. Do you feel proud of that? The fact that you made it so quickly means that you’ve never done anything talented in your life. You were on a reality show! You can’t spell. You can’t read or write. You can’t sing or perform.You aren’t an artist. You can’t draw. You have zero creativity otherwise you wouldn’t have to go on a show like that and make a fool of yourself. And here is a very important point. Do not expect to ever do anything else in the entertainment industry. Did you ever read Scarlet Letter? (Probably not because you’re a reality star) But that’s what you are. A disconnected outcast. You can’t act. You weren’t the lead role in every high school play. You’ve never memorized a full play and performed it at the theatre in front of hundreds of people. You never performed Shakespearian monologues. You never studied acting or had a real audition. Now that you’re famous you expect to be in the next big movie just because of who you are. How do you sleep at night?
Don’t ever expect to love. I see what you do on that show. You sleep with a new chick every night. What a pig you are. REAL men who aren’t on reality shows do not bring random girls home from clubs and bang them. You have zero respect for women. You weren’t raised in a house with only your mom and two sisters so how do you know how to respect a female? Females do not want to hook up with you. You are taking advantage of them because of your fame! You don’t keep in touch with them after you hook up. In fact, you tell everyone that “she was a hoe” and ruin reputations. Its all YOUR fault don’t you get it? Because the TV shows your life being documented while you are a young man in his early twenties in a party environment, you have no passion, emotion, or love to share with a significant other.
So I think you are getting my point here reality star…You just suck. And the more your show is about drinking and partying, the harder you suck. Drinking and partying is not something everyone does! Hardly anyone does it so the fact that you have the audacity to get up there with your little dance moves and rub it in the faces of everyone is bullshit…So remember you’re not smart, you have no talent, you’ll never be anything else once the fifteen minutes is up, you are a terrible person with no morals, and you suck…………………oh and I can’t wait to watch your show on Thursday! Bye!!!!
His name was Gabe and all he ever wanted to do was fit in. Gabe was a 17 year old senior in high school and was not the most popular kid in school by a long shot, but also wasn’t the least popular. He had just enough credibility where it earned him a seat at the “cool” table in the cafeteria. Gabe was at the age where almost every topic of his conversations with other students revolved around sex. You see, Gabe was the only one (supposedly) who was still a virgin and he had to listen to the other boys constantly bragging about their crazy sexual experiences. This upset him due mostly to the fact that he could not engage in the conversations without making up lies about his own experiences. The others knew that Gabe was lying and would constantly bully him about not hooking up with any girls. This made him constantly worried about not fitting in with the others. Gabe felt inadequate, not cool, and alone.
One Friday Gabe lands an invite to a keg party. Because he can not fit in with his “friends” by being a ladies man, Gabe experiments with weed and alcohol so that he can seem cool. He mostly fakes inhaling and doesn’t drink that much but nonetheless Gabe is making some headway with fitting in at the party. He sees a girl that he’s known since kindergarten named Christina. She is very pretty and speaks to him because of their pre-established relationship. Christina is wasted and at the end of the night needs to be walked home by Gabe. When they get to the house she invites him in and Christina is DTF. Gabe is extremely nervous. “I’m not prepared for this” he thought…”What if I fail, I don’t know what to do.” But Christina’s buzz is wearing off and she jumps on top of him. From general knowledge Gabe takes the general steps to having sex. (Removes his pants, her pants, and starts childishly making out.) Christina has a condom ready and hands it to Gabe (she’s done this before.) He has never put one on and is so nervous he is actually shaking. He can’t get it up. She is waiting anxiously and asks him whats wrong. Gabe is discouraged, throws his clothes on and storms out of the house. He walks home embarrassed and ashamed.
It is now Monday and all of Gabe’s friends bombard him with questions about what went down with Christina. Gabe has to embarrassingly respond by saying he did not have sex with her. “It just didn’t happen” he cowardly responded. The other boys figured what went down and continued to laugh and bully him like never before. To make things worse, Christina told the story to her girlfriends and they were bullying him as well. As Gabe walked through the hallways he would get snooty looks and would hear constant chuckles behind his back. He is depressed and ashamed. Gabe never wants to return to school again.
Some of Gabes older cousins learn of what is happening in school and they offer advice. They tell Gabe that these sort of things happen to everyone and when the opportunity is supposed to happen it will. One of Gabe’s more sleazy cousins, Mike, tells him to pop a viagra next time he has sex so that he can get over the initial bang without any problems. That weekend there was a bachelor party being thrown for one of Gabe’s cousins. Gabe could not go to the nightclub part of the party but the guys invited him to the hotel part where strippers were putting on a private show. Sleazy Mike pays one of the strippers one thousand dollars to have sex with Gabe. Gabe has been drinking alcohol the entire night and takes a viagra. Gabe is alone in the hotel room with the stripper, his heart starts racing and he gets an intense headache. He feels weak and starts hyperventilating. His cousins run in the room and try to nurse him to health but he passes out. The next day Gabe wakes up in the hospital and realized that he had some adverse effect from the alcohol and viagra. One can only imagine how sad Gabe feels right now. He actually gives up on having sex, stops speaking to his friends in school, concentrates more on academics, and finishes his high school year a virgin.
A few months later Gabe is off to college. His first day there he moves into his dorm room and is already making tons of friends. Flyers are being passed around for a beginning of the year party. Gabe goes to the party and has the time of his life. It is a clean slate and no one passes judgement on each other. This makes Gabe feel more confident and he ends up picking up a sophomore sorority chick named Sarah. The cool college dudes are giving Gabe the thumbs up (Sarah is good to go and likes to have sex…with everyone) They both share the same housing unit so going back to her room at the end of the night was not a problem. They are both wasted and start hooking up as soon as they get in the room. Gabe quickly thinks to himself to take a viagra before he puts on his condom but it is too late now and Gabe doesn’t have the best experience with the drug. Gabe has sex with Sarah with no condom or viagra because his moment had finally arrived and he didn’t want ANYTHING getting in his way of finally having sex. Gabe lasts five minutes but feels accomplished that he finally lost his virginity.
The next month of college was great for Gabe. He was getting good grades, making new friends, and enjoying his independence from home. One day Gabe gets a text from Sarah telling him she was late on her period. Her pregnancy test comes up positive. In this moment, Gabe feels like his world has closed in on him. Never has he wished so much that he can go back to his senior year in high school and be the nerd who got made fun of everyday for not being able to have sex…….
Do I dare write about it? Do I venture into the cerebral territory where so many men have gone but failed? This particular subject is one that is highly debate-worthy and has troubled society for generations. That is the famous double standard: if a guy hooks up a lot he is “the man” and if a girl does it then she is “a slut.” If myself and many other men do eventually find wives, our mental constructs and upbringings have conditioned us to seek a girl that has had a smaller number of sexual partners. However the general argument of the double standard should be viewed from multiple perspectives and philosophies which could prove that although most men would not want to marry promiscuous females, her sexual behavior may not warrant the use of the term “slut.”A big part of why men are not condemned as much as females for being promiscuous is that a vagina is higher maintenance than a penis. Many comedians have spoken about how the female tunnel of love is known to be “pretty” and penises are not. In order for a woman to “get off” she needs all sorts of mechanisms, tongue rotations, speed and penetration levels, candle scents, etc…But for a man, a few simple strokes and he experiences 5 seconds of bliss. Men also have more testosterone in their system which increases the eagerness to fornicate while women are more able to practice self control. These points establish a general reason why women are expected to have sex less than men. She is carrying gold and he is carrying silver. However, as valuable as gold is it is still given away or exchanged on few and certain occasions. So women do have the right to give away their gold if the price or time is right without losing “self respect.” If a woman meets a man and has sex with him the same night, I have no doubt that many will consider her a hoe with no self respect. But what if within that short period of time that man had highly triggered her mental, emotional, and physical levels. This would be rare, but possible. The same way someone may convince me to give them a piece of my gold in one day; not likely but possible. Porn stars are a fine example of this system. They are considered sluts but technically they are selling their gold every day. You may not agree, but to them (and men who marry them) the money is more important than the commodity at hand. So although she is getting pounded on camera, technically she is being rewarded for the goods that she posesses. Going back to my introduction, the reason I want my wife to have a low number of sexual partners is not because of her level of self-respect but it serves as a gauge of determining her judgement level in general. Like how quickly she is to give away a precious product without good reason. I think the same rules should apply for men but substitute the word silver for every time I used the word gold. It is still a commodity we posses but it is less valuable and easier to give away. Also a man’s testosterone will want him to experience that five seconds of bliss as often as he could. So I will not frown upon women who have one night stands or do “skanky” things as long their transaction was well judged.
We laughed we cried, we won we failed
we’ve seen the walls of the seaside jail.
From serious dinners to silly pranks
some were winners ,and some were skanks.
The town was alive as he announced the cabs
as was the house full of female jabs.
Countless tears and beers that were logged
beside the toilets that were clogged.
Romances made way, amongst the fights
some that were long, others one night.
Many messages were sent through our wise quacking phone,
For those it pertained to, the red whistle was blown.
Bedroom furniture, that was rearranged
due to arguments, that never change.
Facial jewelry and a year of fame.
spurring up many “yo, you changed.”
Will the fighting go on forever ?
Trust no bitch, trust her never.
Will there be more testosterone ridden, sunny days
Hair cuts that fade, tans that are sprayed.
For now our skin, brains, and oreos are fried.
But if we continue, TRUST we will bring you along for the ride…we will bring you along for the ride.
Peace for now
-Vinny ….on behalf of my orange friends.
My favorite quality in a woman is great dancing ability. Of course being a real “dancer” (i.e. ballerina, hip hop, lyrical) is sexy and impressive, but I am not referring to only the professionals. I’m talking about THAT girl who owns the dance floor, VIP booth, or couch that she is standing on. The hip hop is playing, she’s standing in her small space, swaying her sexy waist back and forth, doing LITTLE things with her butt, hands, fingers, face, hair, shoulders, etc…that makes me think “yo, she got it and I want it.” It means so much to me for the obvious reasons: it is sexy, fun, requires talent, rhythm etc…but a woman’s dancing transcends into so many different aspects of her personality. I know what you’re thinking: “if she can dance well, then she can fuck well.” This is true. Rhythm in bed is necessary for both parties. In bedrooms (smush rooms) music is usually played in the background because sex is a dance. Let us call it “the choreography of loooooove.” (Bow chicka wow wow) If one person cannot follow said choreography the energy vibe is weakened and someone is not experiencing the Euphoria that they deserve (getting off.) Besides making sex amazing, if a woman can dance it speaks to many aspects of her personality. A good-dancing woman is a confident woman. The key to reading confidence is recognizing body language. Next time you see a girl who is a good dancer look at her shoulders. A confident person will always have their chin up, shoulders back (dancing necessity), totally exposed to the world without worrying what she looks like because she knows “she got IT.” If a girl can dance then she is probably chill. Physical rhythm is cool, fun, interesting, easy going, and smooth. Body is connected to mind and soul hence those characteristics may transfer to her personality. Now here is some advice for men (if you do not know already): when a girl who knows how to dance is dancing on you, your job is simple: virtually, DO NOTHING. Let her lead you with her waste and just follow with your hips. She does not like being smothered and your boner poking her through your True Religions. This leads me to my next positive personality trait of being a good dancer: the chase. Men do not like it if it’s too easy. But if she can lead you in a dance (she has to because you are behind her! Unless you want to be in front of her and miss out on that amazing booty) you are forced to follow her and she has the upper hand (drives men crazy.) Don’t worry you will have the upper hand later in the bedroom. These are a few of many reasons why dancing is one of my most important characteristics in a woman. It all comes down to a girl with swagger. Swagger on the dance floor, in the bedroom, at a family party, or even walking down the street is key and dancing is an indication of if she has it. It is impossible to have swagger and not dance well. I don’t care what race she is, physical appearance, a stripper, groupie, go go dancer, queen of England, on a stage, in a cage, pressing up against you, doing the Dougie, or by herself bobbing her head in the corner as she’s drunk BBMing, REMEMBER: not only is she a good dancer but she has IT. And you want IT my friends….you want it.
I love realness. Not racist; real. Not rude; real. Profanity, humor, bluntness, right in your fucking face. It is so correct to be politically incorrect. The best people are the ones who tell it how it is without giving a shit what other people think about them. We only censor ourselves because we don’t want others to think we are the racist, sexist, biased, douche bags that maliciously hurt others. I want to laugh and not judge, say it and not censor it. If someone makes fun of my race, I want to make fun of their race right back and then take a shot of Jack Daniels with them. I want everyone to make fun of each other starting with themselves without getting upset. The phrase is make “fun” not make “sad.” I love when Italian people call themselves pasta meatball eating guinees, when Irish people say that they drink too much, when Chinese people say they can’t drive, when black people say that they’re scared of water, when gay people say “no homo”, when Jewish people call themselves cheap, when celebrities go out and get wasted without caring, when porn stars tweet about sex, or when brown people say “I’m Indian…dots, not feathers!” If you’re poor say ”I’m broke as a muhfucka!” and if you’re rich say “I’m rich bitch!” If you can’t get laid say “I have no game.” If you get it in every night say “I get mad ass.” If you smoke weed say “I’m high as shit right now.” If you don’t smoke weed say “I never did and never will mess with that shit.” There is no correct answer as long as you keep it one hundred. If you offend someone with your comments, you are talking to the wrong person. Real recognizes real and will understand the difference between a joke and a jab. The most attractive quality in a person is assertiveness. They are assertive because they are telling the truth with no secrets or games. Do you like this blog? If I gave a shit, it would contradict my whole point. If you don’t like it, feel free to tell me. I won’t be upset you didn’t like it. I would be upset if you didn’t keep it REAL.