Uh oh. There you are again. I warned you last time but you never listen. How many shots of Patron did you do tonight? How many cosmos and glasses of white wine did you sip until the problem started occurring? You were such a sweet intelligent girl and then BAM, all of a sudden you’re Courtney Love. Your breath smells terrible as you scream and butcher the words to Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World. You were cute and innocent and now all of a sudden you keep saying “mothafucka” and throwing up gang signs. Stop using the N word you aren’t black. How much do you weigh? 110? You thought you were cool keeping up with the others but you obviously have to reassess your tolerance level. Oh no, don’t go up on the bar please don’t…..I told you you would fall. Now your knee is bleeding. You smell like perfume, hairspray, sweat, and blood. Stop pulling on that guys shirt and falling all over him. You’re 24 and you need a babysitter. Nice underwear. Ok lets find your friend because she has your car keys. Wait a second, you have car keys?!?! No you are not going to be fine stop saying that. Where is your phone? Great… its dead. Who did you come here with? You really forgot all of your friend’s names? I can tell they really care about you by letting you tweek out in corner like this. Wow, you just puked. I feel bad for that guy with the baggy jeans and button down over there who’s about to make out with you. Oh no, this is an actually really important person to know and you’re slurring all of your words and telling stories that don’t even make sense. Can’t you see that he’s forcing a smile and trying to get his friend to pull him away from you?! You are actually a beautiful girl, but your intoxication is very unflattering. I understand you want to go out and have fun but you are turning into that girl that no one wants to go out with. Who is this guy you are getting in a cab with?! Can you hear me at all any more? Your mind is now black like the ending of the Sopranos. You are not even going to learn from this experience because you need to remember your mistakes in order to learn from them. Tomorrow you are going to reek of cigarettes, Jim’s cologne, latex, and regret. One day you will listen to me. I’m done now. See you next weekend.
WARNING: Before reading this please know that I am not trying to influence you in anyway. This has been my life experience. “You just do you, and imma do me”
What religion am I? I was born and raised Catholic until I reached the age of sanity (George Carlin.) I am now a man of all religions. Think of a light spectrum (Pink Floyd/see below.) I am the white light that is the source of all colors after it is filtered through the piece of glass. The Bible, Qu’ran, Torah, etc…(only ones I could think of) share the same message disguised by different symbolic stories. Peace, love, happiness, the present moment (the white light) are the religion I follow. Who is my God? (or word that I am wondering if i should capitalize or not) My God can not be put in a box with your God. My God is a verb not a noun. My God does not judge. It is the experience, the force, the intention, the stress-free feeling that lies underneath the emotions and thoughts that cause anxiety, stress, and depression; like the sand remains still as traffic passes through the ocean. Do I need to use the word “religion” or “God?” They are just words that point in the direction of your own subjective outlook and experience of life. Am I an Athiest? Hell no, that would mean I have an absolute belief in a set of manmade rules. Following rules doesn’t make you a good person. I don’t know what religion I am, I just follow my path that I have zero control over. Once my mind stops looking for God and I feel the absolute serenity of a quiet brain then and only then do I experience God (dog spelled backwards) a.k.a. the happy feeling that Jesus, Allah, or Buddha want me to feel.